blissmag

Life is not about big realizations. In my experience, getting hit with an epiphany is rare (which is good because it usually hurts and I bruise like a frickinapos; peach) but that doesnapos;t mean Iapos;m not constantly learning. I may not have the slap-your-forehead-"oh-THATapos;S-it" moments often, but Iapos;ve noticed that all the little details that point me in the direction I need to go add up.

And sometimes they donapos;t. At least not in the way I want them to.

I guess thatapos;s where the joy and frustration of this lifestyle is found. All these little pieces are scattered around me; a bunch of them make sense together, some exist entirely on their own, and a few go off and form a much needed corner... But still Iapos;m missing the whole that forms the image. Every piece is there and each one has itapos;s reason. But how do they fit? What am I supposed to be? *dramatic fist-shake towards the sky*

Iapos;m beginning to understand that Iapos;ve been looking at this puzzle and hoping to see a distinct picture. Iapos;ve been telling myself "line up enough of these bizarre shapes and angles and twists of fate and talents and shortcomings and pretty soon youapos;ll see the puppies frolicking in the field" (or the Harley Davidson or cheesy Thomas Kinkade painting or whatever is the image on the box). But thatapos;s not the case.

This puzzle is one of those crazy mosaics where each piece is a different picture itself and should be enjoyed by itself. And in the end, the shades and colors found naturally in each picture will form the BIG image. But only after years of gathering experiences will I get to stand back and look at it and go "...huh. So it wasnapos;t puppies afterall."

Iapos;ve been fretting over the final picture and forgetting the endless possibilities that one piece can hold. And forgetting that itapos;s okay if I donapos;t ever know what the image is. Other people can label it when Iapos;m gone. Director, actor, wife, writer, artist, New Yorker, Californian, Michigander, human, friend. My job now is to make sure each piece is art on its own.

This isnapos;t a big realization nor an epiphany. Just a mix of cliches and metaphors that arenapos;t really cohesive or poetic, but make me feel like Iapos;m thinking on a more educated level (HUR HUR Iapos;S WENT TO COLLEGE). Just ramblings on how Iapos;m feeling in regards to art, money, life and goals.


Nope. The big moment came when I realized Iapos;d rather take more acting classes than buy a PS3.




And if you know me at all, thatapos;s saying a lot.

~Sandy~
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